


Disarmament

by ElfMaidenOfLight



Series: Gundam Wing (Disarmament & Quixotic) [1]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Post Endless Waltz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2017-12-05 11:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElfMaidenOfLight/pseuds/ElfMaidenOfLight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relena wrenched open the door and there he was, Heero Yuy, standing on her doorstep. "What... is that, Heero?" she remembered asking, pointing towards the duffle bag he carried over one shoulder. He didn't even take his eyes off her. He didn't even draw breath. "Zero's brain," he answered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a mild summer so far that year. Not yet sweltering; one that threw off just enough sunlight to tan the skin. The first summer after the war. It seemed as if the Earth herself relished in the silence of it all; the serenity. For as long as it would last, anyway.

At her sprawling estate nestled in the countryside, Relena had been taking a bit of a breather between conferences. Two weeks vacation, and she'd needed it. It was frightening how fast she could slip into the country life, despite how busy she was with the Mars terraforming project. But she could forget that all for the time being. It was just her and the maintenance crew, who came twice a week. Oh, and that security guard fellow at the front gate. Okay, so it wasn't as solitary as she'd like, but the birds twittered outside her bedroom window and the breeze rustled her hair when she lounged out on the deck. She soaked it up. So far, it has been most enjoyable.

-o.o.o.o-

Relena pulled open the door of the main house's refrigerator and peered inside. Sitting on the top shelf were two unopened bottles of water, a two-thirds full carafe of red wine, and a cola-- not hers. She glanced mistrustfully at the wine. Sangiovese. Expensive.

Two nights ago, a Sunday evening, found Relena's first weekend off sitting silently at her kitchen table. The clock above the stovetop clicked and clacked into the dimly lit room. Relena bounced her knee, immersed in a novel propped against the table's centerpiece. Her first new read in months. Oh she'd forgotten how lovely a pastime reading for pleasure was; she'd missed it so.

Absently she played with the straps of a white silk camisole; perfect adornment for heady summer nights with cotton trousers. Only it was turning out to be a rather cool season; she never seemed to pack correctly.

Outside, through the window, she heard the faint buzz of insects. And then she didn't. It was as if all the animals outside had gone suddenly mute, or she suddenly deaf.

The clock ticked loudly.

The front light flicked on.

"Motion sensors," Relena had whispered, laying her book down and rising to her feet. She briefly checked the panic button hanging against her chest as she walked from the kitchen and dining area into the foyer. Opposite the front entry, the staircase ran along the wall to the second story; the living room was to the left. Vaulting onto her tiptoes, Relena laid a hand against the cool wooden door before peering through the peephole. Immediately she flinched back in surprise.

Why was he _here?_

She thought he'd gone exploring. That's what he'd been planning so many months ago. She remembered him saying so as he lay in that hospital bed. It had been a mess after Mariemaia's 'death', but Relena was adamant about following him to the clinic. She'd slept in a chair by his side for a week, until he'd left, just like that, in the middle of the night.

He'd said he was headed for East Asia.

"Are you going to open the door, Relena?" His voice came through muffled, but she could still hear the tiniest hint of annoyance in his otherwise usual deadpan.

Relena wrenched open the door and there he was, Heero Yuy, standing on her doorstep. He looked as he always seemed to: simply dressed and glowering.

Like a deer, once she was caught in his gaze, there was little she could do to look away.

He blinked. "I need to stay here."

Relena dropped her arm from blocking the door. Her answer had been immediate, "Okay."

"In your garage."

She frowned. It was then she noticed he was carrying a duffle bag over one shoulder. It looked monstrously heavy. "What is that, Heero?" She remembered asking, pointing a manicured nail towards the parcel.

He didn't even take his eyes off her. He didn't even draw breath.

"Zero's brain."

-o.o.o.o-

Relena grabbed one of the bottles of water and closed the refrigerator door.

Heero had been bunking in her empty garage for two nights. She'd seen little of him, but somehow always caught the soldier in her kitchen, stuffing his face. It was the shock of seeing him sitting there that first morning, munching on a mountainous bowl of her granola cereal, that made Relena realize she'd never seen him look so… normal.

He was also reading her paper, and he'd stocked the fridge with soda, much to her displeasure.

Well, Relena thought as she headed out into the backyard, she had no idea how long he would be staying, but it was time she got caught up with the lost months of Heero Yuy.

The door to the manor's multi-vehicle, albeit empty, garage was adjar, propped open with a rock. As she approached, Relena paused. She'd forgotten that hinge was due for repair.

Peering inside, she could see Heero sitting in the center of the concrete floor, his back to her. Tools of all shapes and sizes, no doubt raided from other building on the property, were splayed out in a half circle around him. They looked categorized, too. She never pinned him for neurotic, but it certainly made sense.

She craned her neck.

Beyond him, lying on the floor, there was a chunk of something. A black boxy-object illuminated by the bank of ceiling lights.

_Zero's brain._

"Relena?"

She jumped slightly, coming inside. "I've brought you something to drink, Heero."

He turned his shoulders, just a bit. She could see his profile.

"Hn.."

Relena came a little closer and saw him pause, going slightly ridged. She crouched down beside him.

Whatever had been encasing the square bit of machinery had been torn off. Ridged black plastic had been cut away, strips of it littering the floor. Other pieces had been removed; some wiring and what looked like insulation. What was left was no larger than a shoebox, even with its connector sockets and other nameless accoutrements.

"You spend two days here and you've only unwrapped the thing?"

He snorted, "I've been resting."

Yeah, she thought, eating all my cereal.

"I thought you were in Japan." She sat, drawing her legs under her.

Heero pulled the metal box towards him, "I was, but then…" He trailed off, turning the object over. She watched his face, for an emotion to flicker across his features. He stared at the thing in his hands. There was something- right there- she could see it, but had no idea what it meant.

"That's Zero, you said."

Her soft voice broke his daydream. He continued working on the box, pipping buttons and reading data off a handheld device plugged into the back panel. "My mobile suit was completely destroyed during the attack on Mariemaia's compound," he reiterated as he worked, "but the hard drive was salvageable."

Hard drive.

It _was_ Zero's brain. All the memory, all the strange interworking files and codes of his Gundam, wrapped up neatly inside a little box.

Heero booted up the system. A fan within whirled noisily. Honestly, Relena thought it sounded a bit sick. The motor clicked and groaned, and after a good minute it began to grind and whirl with a high-pitch grating. He shut it off again and let out a very telling sigh of frustration.

She glanced up at him.

"Are you trying to save it?"

"Save it?" he repeated without looking at her.

"The data, the information--"

"I'm trying to destroy it."

Relena leaned away, taken aback. "But…but Zero was--"

"Zero was a monster."

_He was a monster._

"Heero, that's not true."

He opened the back panel of the drive. "The Gundams were never meant for this era of peace. I no longer need this system, or any system. I don't want it falling into the wrong hands." He glanced her way, "That's why I came here." Relena's eyes narrowed. In a rare moment of candidness he continued, "There were bits I wanted; notes on Operation Meteor, personal files." She wanted to ask, but Relena held her tongue. "I've been trying to access parts I was never meant to see. I'm not sure if it was damaged during battle or if it's simply too-well protected."

"And then you'll destroy it."

"Yes."

She rested her chin against her clasped hands, elbows propped up on her knees. She watched him pick up a pair of pliers, turning them in his hand, angling in different directions to plan the best method of attack. Finally he wedged them between the top and bottom casing. The metal puckered.

"Have you heard anything from the others?"

"No," he quipped shortly, jamming the tool farther into the box. He twisted and pried, fed up with other, gentler methods of extraction.

As Relena watched him work she relayed information to him about the pilots. Wufei was still working with Sally, Duo and Hilde owned a scrap yard, Trowa and Quatre. At the mention of the other boys' seemingly smooth transition back into society, she saw a smirk quirk his upper lip. Ah, so he was interested.

"Why did you leave Japan? I'm sure you could have found a safe house there." She'd finally gotten around to asking it, just as he popped the lid of the container. The metal sprung back, clattering to the floor. She was fishing, and not very covertly either. It was terribly transparent; he must have known. Because I wanted to see you. Well, that's what she hoped he'd say, but then again she'd never seen pigs fly before.

Amidst the noise he answered her, "I needed space. Too many people." He laid the open box down upon the floor. Relena leaned over his arm to take a good look.

"Oh my."

It was a mess of circuit boards and wires; thick conduit cording connected various sections to a giant motherboard. She saw the fan exhaust was bent inward and cringed. She imagined him falling from the sky, trapped in a twisted chassis of metal. The thought chilled her. To her surprise, however, the hard drive looked to be on, even though Heero had disconnected the power.

"What's it doing?"

He set the pliers down in the tool circle, grabbing instead a sharply pointed screwdriver. "Protecting itself." He pointed to a bank of little indicator lights, all flittering green at random intervals, "The internal power supply keeps the firewalls partitioned."

She cocked her head, "What's so important that they'd lock away a piece of your Gundam?"

After a long moment, a war raging behind his eyes, he finally said, "It doesn't matter."

"But Heero, you said you wanted to--"

"I've changed my mind." He positioned the screwdriver against a small ring-box sixed aluminum dome. "This is the power source. Once I destroy it there will no longer be anything for the computer system to run on."

She didn't have much training where computers were concerned, but even Relena knew a bit of the basics. "Even if you destroy the power source, the information can still be accessed."

"I'll destroy the platters afterwards. Sanding them down makes the data unreadable."

"But the files you wanted-"

He stilled, pliers poised over the internal battery. "I said it doesn't matter," he whispered in a low voice, "I would rather make sure the system couldn't be used ever again." Heero turned to glare at her, daring her to contradict him, to argue. Relena held his gaze and nodded. She understood completely. Turning back, he continued to hesitate. And why wouldn't he? That Gundam had been an extension of his soul for a time, of his power. It would be like killing a part of his past.

She placed a gentle hand upon his shoulder.

With a swift, downward motion he stabbed at the power conduit. An internal alarm began to wail, but it died quickly as the power drained. The lights blinked dimly, and then were snuffed as the gentle hum of the drive's innards finally quieted. A quick flick of the wrist and he popped away a stack of small silver disks and placed them aside.

"There," he sounded like he'd been holding his breath, "it's done."

Relena picked up the disks. They were still warm. She saw her face reflected back at her in the silvery surface. Tilting the object, she could see Heero's reflection too. He was watching her.

"We'll deal with this tomorrow."

He blinked. "Huh?"

She clutched the disks to her chest and stood, dusting off her skirt. "I'm not letting you sleep out here in my garage again. I'm a better hostess than that, you can take the couch." Heero got to his feet and stared at her with his unwavering, calculating eyes. "You've already eaten half my food, I might as well make you lunch too. And then-" she paused, raising a shoulder in a half-shurg. "I guess you can be on your way after that."

He followed her out of the garage, turning out the lights. "You have a diplomatic meeting in a little less than two weeks."

"Oh, so you subscribe to the unofficial mailing list of my life?"

He scowled. Ah-ha, Relena thought dryly, but her heart was pounding. "By all means, impose on my vacation as long as you want. I won't be too offended if you run off again in the dead of night." Oh she was letting herself get angry; she was letting that familiar swell of hurt bubble up and seep into her words.

"Relena…"

She turned, one hand already swinging the porch door open, cool air from inside the house prickling her skin. He was standing a few feet away, glancing off into the middle distance.

For a long minute neither of them said a word. A part of her respected his silence, would always respect his privacy, but she desperately wanted to know, needed to know-- what was going on in that soldier's head? And then the spell was broken. Without even so much as a sidelong glance he pushed past her and into the house. Relena gripped the doorframe with white knuckles, and after a moment to collect herself, she followed, letting the screen door spring back into its lock.


	2. Chapter 2

That first night, that cool Sunday evening, after taking her aback with his sudden appearance on her doorstep, Heero Yuy had turned right on his heels and marched back down the manor's front walkway. Relena had lent out the door, watching him stride purposefully around the side of the house towards the sideyard.

As he disappeared around back, she'd closed the door with a loud _click_ , and raced down the hallway to the back veranda. From her vantage point, and through the screen mesh door, she could see he'd already flicked on the garage's interior lights.

She retreated into the shadows. Her back hit the hallway wall, a hand coming up to rub her eyes.

What the hell?

What the hell was going on?

What was he _doing_ here?

Trudging into the kitchen, completely dazed, Relena walked to the table and picked up her forgotten book. Even as it rested in her outstretched hand her mind floated elsewhere.

_I'll never kill anyone ever again... I don't have to anymore._

She remembered cradling his head, feeling his too-hot skin and dried blood against her fingertips. She remembered smoothing out his hair as Lady Une called desperately for a medic. Whenever she looked back, Relena was always surprised at how calm she had been; sitting there in the rubble of the Brussels Presidential compound, holding an ashen faced Heero Yuy. No, she hadn't been afraid or fearful. The one emotion she could pinpoint feeling at that time would have to be relief. Relief for Heero's sake.

She remembered pressing her lips to his forehead when they came with a stretcher. _"It'll be all right, Heero,"_ she'd whispered against his skin. She hadn't let go, hadn't loosened her grip on his hand until he awoke nine hours later on a hospital bed.

The novel in her hand fell back against the kitchen table. Compared to her own life, the characters' flighty romances and stolen trysts seemed shallow and sticky sweet, like hot bedcovers you'd throw off during the night.

No, her life was far more interesting than that. She had a former killer bunking in her carport.

Relena glared at the paperback, turning from the table, letting her nails run absently over the marble countertop of the kitchen's center island. She didn't sit. She didn't know what to do. It was that familiar, frustrating helplessness she always felt when it came to Heero. That awkward tightrope walk she did between pushing him for more and letting him alone.

Should she speak to him?

Leaning around the corner she could see the garage lights had been turned off.

No, he must be sleeping.

Her nails scratched over the counter with long _shrrrsh_ ing sounds.

Well, _she_ certainly wasn't going to get a good nights rest. Her eyes floated over to the wine rack next to the gas range stove. She picked the most expensive bottle in the bunch, popped the cork, and decanted the entire thing. Relena never took wine upstairs; it was too much of a risk with the white carpet in her bedroom. But that evening had done her in. Pouring a glass she ascended the stairs, a part of her secretly fearful that when she awoke, it would have all been a dream.

.o.o.o.o.

The backdoor screen clicked neatly into place as it closed. Turning, Relena followed Heero's retreating back down the hallway, Zero's platter disks nestled against the crook of her arm. She was still holding the unopened bottle of water.

How did this seem more surreal than all those life and death situations she always found herself in? Kidnapped, thwarted assassination; finding a body washed up on the beach. It was so real to her. But this? It was practically happening to a different person.

He was standing over the sink, looking out the window that opened to the front lawn, the one with the view of the drive and hills beyond, a little sliver of coastline there in the distance. Heero turned on the facet with his elbow, scrubbing his hands under the water. She watched from the doorway as electronic lubricant and grease on his skin swirled down into the drain. He fished a dishtowel off a peg on the side of the center island.

She didn't want to ask how he knew his way so easily around her kitchen. She really didn't.

"You know about the conference," she said finally. Relena wasn't sure if she'd meant it as a question or a statement of fact, but there it was. Heero popped the fridge open and extracted a cola. Relena frowned at the bottled water in her hand as he took a seat at the kitchen table. Setting the computer parts down on the countertop, she pulled back a chair and took a seat at the side adjacent to him.

With a _pop-fizz_ he clicked the soda tab, swinging his head back to swig the sugary liquid. A contented sigh escaped his lips as he set the already sweating can onto the table. Relena slid a coaster toward him, lips pursed but smiling. Heero glanced her way but did as he was bid, resting the cola on the cork disk.

He kept one arm on the tabletop as he looked out the bay windows.

Maybe he hadn't heard her. "You know about the conference so I'm assuming you've been keeping up with my other political engagements." She rested her chin against her palm, elbow bent upon the table. "But I have no idea what _you've_ been up to, Heero."

His thumb grazed the edge of the coaster, "I was in Japan."

Relena mentally rolled her eyes, "Yes I know _that_ much, thank you." He leaned back in his chair, sighing. She blinked at him, suddenly realizing. "Where are your bags?"

"Bags?"

"Your suitcases. Your luggage."

He turned to stare at the tabletop, "I brought my jacket."

" _What_?" Relena leaned in, incredulous. "How did you survive for three months in a foreign country without so much as a-"

"Quatre," he bit out. She cocked her head. "Quatre opened a line of credit for me. It's virtually untraceable."

"Virtually."

He couldn't help the smirk that rose to his lips. " _I_ could hack it."

Her shoulders slumped, "Of course you could." She watched him reach out and tap the fine china fruit bowl at the center of the table. His finger raked down the porcelain wicker basket.

She was about to prompt him for more when he started speaking. "I explored the countryside," he said quietly, fingers continuing their lazy pattern. "I saw things, Relena, beautiful things. I-" His voice trailed off, brow knit in confusion or conflict. Her heart clenched. He swallowed. "Green rice fields flooded with water, reflecting the sky. Clouds athat ppeared to float upon the ground. Snow tipped mountains. Intricate wooden pagodas. The torii at Itsukushima Shrine.

"I stood before the Daibutsu of Kamakura. They've reclaimed the land there; cleared away the overgrowth. It was…" he thought for a moment, "peaceful."

Both of Relena's hands were splayed upon the tabletop, and as he paused she realized her body was leaning over the table towards him. Her shoulders were tense. "I've never been," she breathed. "I've never seen." She imagined him stalking silently around different Japanese tourist sites, camera slung over his neck, dark sunglasses reflecting the scenery.

Heero drew away his outstretched hand, clenching it into a fist. "There was no description of Earth's aesthetics in the Operation's files. They never told us. To go back, to see where I thought- where it might be- my family, my ancestors." His blue eyes flickered to her face, and she saw a hint of flush in his cheeks. She slowly beamed at him.

"It sounds amazing." Her lips quirked, "Maybe I can forgive you after all, for rushing out of the hospital like that."

He nodded solemnly, eyebrows rising impossibly high as the sound of her stomach grumbling broke their silence. He chuckled as she blushed.

"Lunch, right." She stood briskly from the table and turned to survey the kitchen. With all her diplomatic meetings she nearly always had a private cook. But she'd insisted on 'roughing it' for the next two weeks. Once again, Relena was reminded at how awful she was sometimes at planning her personal life.

She pulled a pan down from the stove's overhead rack. "I'll make a light snack. Do you like brie? I've always enjoyed a good cranberry brie quesadilla. Oh, and I've got some fresh pears at the farmer's-" She turned back to the table and saw he was staring out the windows again, lost in thought. Had he even heard her? Relena reached into the fruit basket. "Does that sound okay? Heero?"

"Hn," he answered quickly, without looking at her.

She frowned, but went to work, firing up the gas range, grabbing the ingredients. She heard his can of soda clink down again on the coaster. Her mood began to lift as she heard him clear his throat. He was here. In her house. Him. Heero Yuy. It was exhilarating. Relena bounced one foot as she cut fruit, the pan sizzling as the other ingredients hit the hot surface. She was thrumming with excitement. Her back was to him; Relena let a ridiculous smile curl her lips.

He didn't say a word as she worked.

Grabbing two plates from the cupboard, she slid the quesadilla onto its cool surface, cutting thick wedges with a pairing knife.

In her excitement her guard was slipping; that barrier she knew Heero needed, she was crossing it. No, she was vaulting over it. She had forgotten that when they first met, he was prepared to commit suicide rather than reveal himself to her.

But, hadn't times changed? Was it so unreasonable to expect him to have changed as well? Lord knows _she_ certainly had.

"So, about Zero," her voice was shrill, how could he not notice? She wasn't even sure what she was about to say next. What she'd witnessed in the garage had been so raw, so personal, so very Heero and so very secretive, that despite the warnings in her head to stop, Relena couldn't help but push for information.

Her fascination of him seemed to get her into _a lot_ of trouble.

Part of her tried to rationalize her prying. How was it fair that he knew every detail about her life but shared nothing of his?

Maybe she should ask him that too.

"I don't want to talk about Zero."

She nearly jumped out of her skin. His voice was in her ear, his breath tickling the side of her face. She was going to turn, but her shoulder connected against Heero's chest. She hadn't even heard him get up, and now she was trapped.

Relena suffered to keep her voice even, "Why?"

He huffed, but at such close proximity she was able to recognize it as a low, breathy laugh. He took one of the laden plates off the counter. "Talking about why I don't want to talk about Zero," he murmured, "is still talking about Zero. It's done, give it a rest."

She reined in that fire inside her, like so many times before. She was slipping though; she's let herself get too emotional. Relena had learned a great deal from Heero Yuy, and how to act on your emotions while simultaneous concealing them, was one of his greatest lessons. And she'd been doing so well, too…

She cleared her throat as he took a step away from her, ashamed and angry with herself. How could she have been so careless? The last time she'd gotten close, he ran. "I'm sorry Heero."

He didn't answer, but shrugged instead, adding, "Join me on the deck."

Relena was still holding the knife in her hand, gripping it with unnatural rigidity as the sliding door out to the front decking slid back and he stepped out into the sunshine.

And then she realized: it was all over for him. There were no lingering missions, no set operations filled with drop zone coordinates and heavily-coded instruction files. He was free of it, and he'd chosen to seek her out. To enjoy her company. It was no coincidence he'd arrived on her doorstep the first free weekend she'd had in months.

Taking her own plate, she followed.

Relena sunk down beside him into a deckchair, the sunlight beating down its pleasant warmth upon them. Heero looked over at her with one of the most relaxed expressions she'd ever seen him wear.

Relena reached out and squeezed his elbow, "I know it's no Mount Fuji, but I like it here. It reminds me of how I use to concern myself with proper table etiquette and throwing birthday parties." Heero caught her sly smile.

He swallowed a bite of food rather than reply, but Relena could see he was thinking very hard about something. He dropped his gaze to the plate resting in his lap, "I understand."

"You do?"

He nodded, "The land here looks untouched, as if the battles never existed at all."

Yes, she thought, as if the blood from the innumerable killed had never stained this place; untarnished. But to so easily forget their sacrifice, was it wrong? She asked him.

He shrugged, and after she sipped the water, held out his hand. It took her a moment to get what he was motioning for, but Relena eventually handed the bottle over. She watched him check the label before bringing it to his lips. The water sloshed as he tilted back his head.

Gulping down a second mouthful, Heero gave her a quizzical look, and Relena realized she was staring.

"Do you-" she looked away. "Do you think I'm being selfish?"

"Huh?"

"By taking time off."

"No."

Relena shifted in her seat, "I always feel guilty coming here. It's like I'm escaping."

"There's nothing wrong with balancing duty and frivolity."

She shook her head, "This coming from the poster child of 'having a bit of fun'."

Heero's brow knit, but he ignored her jibe. "The terraforming project has met all its deadlines so far. There's no reason you shouldn't be allowed vacation time."

"I'm over-thinking it." She leaned back in her chair, arms thrown up over her head. Closing her eyes, Relena murmured, "But you're absolutely right. I should just enjoy it."

"The work will always be there, and you're never away for long." His voice pitched low; she could hear it rumble in his chest, "You can't help yourself."

"Sounds familiar."

As always, Heero took her teasing without a word, but although her eyes were closed, Relena swore that he was smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

The battle was over, and yet rubble still felt from the caved in ceiling of the Brussels' Presidential Compound.

Relena shielded Heero's face from a shower of dust and drywall that rained down as the structure shuttered. He wasn't looking well. She moved her hand on the back of his head and felt the pads of her fingers stick to the skin there. Blood, partially dried. His face was pale, his weight heavy upon her body.

How was she going to get them to safety? Perhaps she could drag him, but he might have a concussion, or worse.

A small group of Mariemaia soldiers had clustered around Lady Une and the fallen girl, but most had defected, bolting for the doors as soon as the emergency generators had kicked in. Relena kept a tight hold of the young man in her arms. What if Dakem's former military still considered the Gundam pilots their enemies?

She had no idea what was going on outside, the video screen had switched to static the moment the structure had buckled.

Computer banks around them hissed and sizzled; a cracked casing of overhead lights shot down sparks.

"Ma'am!" Relena's head snapped up to see a soldier rush into the room. He'd lost his cap, and there was a splash of blood painting his neck, but despite the look of pain flickering over his face he managed to snap to attention, addressing Lady Une who was pressing Mariemaia's would with all her strength. "We have a medical convoy stationed at the back of the compound."

"We need a stretcher," the Lady snapped.

The soldier looked uncomfortable, "I'm sorry ma'am but the compound is too damaged to naviga-"

The woman addressed the remaining group of six soldiers; "We need to move her right away." She quickly delicately helped the men raise Mariemaia their arms, making sure to cradle her head. Relena grimaced as they lifted the tiny frame off Lady Une's lap, a swath of red staining the woman's knees. Relena's chest ached. That bullet had been meant for _her._ "Keep pressure on the wound," Une barked sharply, getting to her feet, turning back to where Relena sat upon the ground . Her eyes traveled down to where Heero was resting against the young woman's breast.

When she spoke, her voice was soft, "I must go with His Excellencies' daughter."

Relena nodded, "I understand."

The woman pursed her lips, "I'll send someone as fast as-"

Cutting her off, the radio against her hip crackled.

" _This is Fire!"_ A voice barked through the static, _"Again, this is Fire calling Gold!"_

"Noin," Relena breathed.

They were alive!

Une snapped the box from her belt, "Gold here, go ahea-"

" _Is Relena there?"_ Noin was breathing heavy and sounded like she was trying to yell over a tumult of background noise. Her voice cut in and out. _"Where is the Vice Foreign Minister?"_

Une spoke calmly and firmly into the microphone, "Relena is here in the compound and unhurt. However, the Compound is crumbling. We are moving Mariemaia to a hospital as she has been shot. Dakem is dead. What is going on out there?"

A loud exhalation of breath could be heard over the radio, along with a low huff of expletives. It sounded as if she was talking to someone else, " _I've got them, Zechs. She's alright_."

Relena's heart leapt into her throat. Her voice sounded incredibly small, "…Milliardo?"

" _It's over_ ," Noin continued on, answering Une's question, " _they've all stopped fighting."_

The building shook, and the video screen above the dais squealed as a crack split across its glass surface.

"Listen Noin," Une said; her eyes were locked on Relena's unblinkingly. "I cannot take the Vice Foreign Minister in the convoy."

" _We'll pick her up outside the compound."_

Relena's grip on Heero had not loosened. She narrowed her eyes; "I'm not leaving him."

" _What?"_

"Ma'am!" It was the same soldier from before, rushing back to the room. "We have Ms. Khushrenada secured. We are ready to depart."

Une knelt beside Relena, "I must go now. They are coming for you."

"We'll be alright," Relena said with real confidence. Une gave her a tight smile and pressed the radio into the young woman's hand. Glancing at Heero before standing, Une quickly followed the soldier from the room. There was yelling down the hallway, metal doors banging open and closed, and then all became eerily quiet. Relena reached down and pulled Heero's empty gun next to her hip.

It might not have been loaded, but it gave her a strange sense of strength. How ironic for a staunch pacifist. Or former staunch pacifist. She let out a shaky breath as Noin's voice, more calm now, pierced the silence.

" _Relena, get out of there."_

No. She pressed the large button on the side of the device, "I can't move Heero. I won't leave him."

" _Heero?"_ A new voice, faint, pierced the static. The unmistakable sound of Duo Maxwell blasted through Noin's cockpit speakers and came through on the radio. _"That idiots still alive?"_

There was a moment of silence where Noin pressed the mute button on her dashboard. The noise from wherever she and the Gundam pilots were cut off abruptly. Relena's heat pounded so fiercely that she was beginning to get one splitting headache.

"Heero," she whispered, glancing down at him. She refrained from shaking his shoulders. "Heero, wake up."

His eyes remained closed, lips slack and slightly parted. It was one of the rare times she'd seen him without a soldier's tight control; one of only two other occasions. The first, on the beach as he regained consciousness. Relena remembered his anger and venom, _Did you see?_ The second before he left her to go fight her brother. She knew- she _knew_ she hadn't imagined the devotion on his face.

" _Relena?"_ The radio chirped.

Her arm around Heero's shoulder moved as she lifted her hand. "I'm here, Noin."

The woman sounded tired. _"Dorothy Catalonia is on her way to your location."_

Relena blinked in shock, "Dorothy?"

" _Do not leave with anyone but her. She will be taking you and Heero to a private hospital at the Preventer headquarters. They should reach you in ten minutes. Do you understand, Relena?"_

"Yes."

" _Good."_

"Are the other pilots with you?"

" _They're alive. They will escort Miss Catalonia to the compound, in case any lingering soldiers decide to give you a problem."_

She sighed, "Please, tell them to hurry."

" _We'll speak soon."_

The channel went dead.

The large video screen sizzled and popped.

Relena smoothed Heero's hair back from his forehead, resting her cheek against the crown of his head. It was warm there; she could feel his slow heartbeat. She closed her eyes and counted the faint pulse.

_One one-thousand._

_Two one-thousand._

She'd gotten up to _'four thirty-four one-thousand'_ when there was a tremendous noise from the hallway, like metal being ripped apart.

" _Be careful,"_ she heard a faint, but familiar, feminine voice snap. _"This structure is unsound! We don't want the ceiling to fall down on top of them!"_

Relena pressed her lips to Heero's forehead and whispered against his skin, "Didn't I say it would be all right, Heero?"

Dorothy Catalonia came racing into the room, followed by two Preventer medics and a stretcher. How she was able to get the thing inside when Mariemaia's solders could not, Relena had little time to wonder.

With her usual passion, Dorothy knelt beside them as the stretcher was lowered. With long fingers she pressed her hand to Heero's forehead. "How is he?"

Relena slid forward as they guided the injured soldier onto the canvas surface. "I think he has a concussion." She kept a firm grip on Heero's hand, supporting his head as they stood, the makeshift gurney hoisted between the two medical staffers.

They navigated through the rubble carefully, skirting the bodies of dead Mariemaia soldiers until they reached the hall. The medics lifted their charge onto a metal gurney on casters; they began briskly making their way to the exit.

Relena grit her teeth, hand clutching Heero's contracting. One of her feet had fallen asleep; her legs ached from where they had been bent awkwardly upon the concrete floor. Her jacket was dusty and streaked with dirt and blood. She barely watched where they were going, eyes fixed on the unconscious Gundam pilot.

"Are _you_ alright, Miss Relena?"

Down the long hallway she could see a great shining light; cold, snowy air bellowed into the compound. But it was so far away.

"I'm fine," she said as the question registered, several seconds later. "I'm fine."

The cold outside was biting, raising goose bumps upon her neck and showering them with slushy snowflakes. Relena bent her head against the bight light that blazed in the darkness, illuminating their exit with a white spotlight. Her free hand shielded her eyes, but as her pupils contracted, the scene came into sharp focus.

They had taken an emergency escape exit, which had dumped them onto a little paved road on a sharply sloping hill that ran down to the properties' large lake. The moon, still high in the sky, cast the tall trees dotting the hillsides into long shadows. Not as large though, as the shadows thrown off by the three immense Gundams that towered over them.

The spotlight had been shining down from Deathsythe's helm. It was knelt, its wrist blade having pried apart the doors to the compound. Duo Maxwell was sitting on the lowered cockpit door, legs dangling over the side. As he saw them he quickly scrambled to his feet. Usually so boisterous, the boy looked on in silence. Relena caught his eye before turning her head to the other Gundams. Both Sandrock and Heavyarms stood together on the side, their pilots framed in their open cockpits.

The medics lifted Heero's body from the gurney into open ambulance doors; Relena clambered in after. She glanced back, expecting Dorothy to follow, but the doors had slammed closed behind them as the medics climbed into the cab and the engine turned over.

They traveled in silence; no sirens blaring, no lights flashing. Out the heavily tinted windows, Relena could see vast hills and valleys fly past, and then in the distance, the outskirts of the city. Pockets of fire and smoke bellowed into the night. Mobile suits, standing and upended, reflected moonlight and glittered in the darkness.

She leaned her head down upon Heero's chest; his stomach rising and falling with each shallow breath. Reminded of another ambulance ride she'd taken not long ago, Relena smiled ruefully, fingers tracing the soldier's jaw line.

She closed her eyes.

Relena whispered into the silence. "Don't die on me."

.o.o.o.o.

"I'm going on a run," he said, surprising her as she came down the stairs one late afternoon, dressed in his green tank and black shorts. His voice had startled her; it was so strange to hear it echoing around her living room. He was a relic, an object from a completely different world that had been beamed into her home. Indeed, with his moon-pool eyes staring up at her from behind his bangs, Relena swore he looked like deep space incarnate.

Going on a run, was he? It would be the first time he'd ventured from the house three days into showing up on her sabbatical. For the most part Heero had taken to lounging on the deck or reading in the kitchen at an incredible pace. He seemed to have a healthy appetite for the espionage and crime novels Relena had polished off years ago and kept in her upstairs study.

His voice had caused her pause as she walked down the stairs to the first floor.

She'd just finished a bit of work left over from the week before. He was right; she couldn't keep away from it for very long. There was a draft needed, pertaining to land rights in one of the new Mars settlements. It had to be done, and Relena rather it be sooner than later.

"You're going out?" She reached the last step of the staircase, and where he stood at the bottom they were almost same height. He didn't have to tilt his gaze to meet hers.

He continued, "To the beach." And then, "I thought-" he glanced away, "you could join me."

Relena felt her heartbeat jump into her throat, but swallowed evenly and managed a calm, "I would love to join you for a walk-"

"Run," Heero corrected.

She smiled coyly, "I'm not a very good runner." He lifted his shoulders up and down in a shrug, but didn't take her eyes off her. God, Relena thought, he was so unnerving sometimes. What was he thinking, as he caught her in his crosshairs? She fidgeted. He looked away. "I'll go change," she said as she turned to walk back up the stairs. He swiveled back toward her, wearing perhaps a near imperceptibly small look of surprise at her acceptance of his offer. He nodded in accent as she disappeared into her bedroom, the door clicking closed behind her.

Relena looked down at her cotton slacks and sweatshirt, huffing. Just like Heero Yuy to throw her for a loop like that. Run? On the beach? From any other man it might be romantic proposal, but as always, Relena could read little to nothing into Heero's actions.

She clung to that one instance of intimacy they had shared. That kiss, just after he'd rescued her from that failed kidnapping attempt. Which one? The third or fourth? She'd lost count long ago.

If there was anything to give her hope over his affections for her, it was that brief pressure of his lips, that wide-eyed pull on her wrist into his chest. But it had been so very brief, and he'd never said anything about it since. Still, Relena wasn't the kind of girl to dismiss everything to chance; he'd opened himself to her for a reason. He knew she loved him; it was as simple as that really.

Perhaps he felt the same, she thought, pulling on a pair of tennis shorts and appropriate upper- body attire.

He gave her a curt little nod as she descended the stairs a few minutes later, her arms up over her head to stretch. Relena was almost certain she was about to make a complete and utter fool of herself as they walked out the front door and down the drive. When she did find time to 'work out' it was usually on the stationary bike in the garage. She probably couldn't match Heero's stamina if she'd been training for a marathon.

Tom the security guard gave them a strange look as they passed the front gate. Before he could say anything, Relena called, "We're going out!"

The man's nose scrunched, "Of course ma'am, but- who is that?" He looked pointedly at Heero, who was glaring in his general direction.

"Oh-" She thought for a quick moment, then answered, "my bodyguard." She stared incredulously at the wide grin that Heero gave her.

It was a short jaunt to the beach, the sand warm from the day's sunshine on her feet as Relena kicked off a pair of flipflops. She watched Heero walk out to the edge of the ocean and stare out at the rolling waves. Staring at the back of his head, she wondered if he was imagining that first evening, washing up on the beach in his flight suit. Maybe the ocean didn't remind him of that, but it always reminded her.

"Ready?" His voice carried back to her, even though he was still facing the horizon. Relena lifted her hands, noncommittal, but of course he didn't see.


	4. Chapter 4

They walked back past the security gate, Tom sitting in the guard shack staring down at a computer screen. He looked up when they came into view. As they approached, he gave them a kind smile from behind the hair shoved beneath his officer's cap.

"Sorry about that earlier, Miss Darlian," he called, "but its all been sorted out."

Relena blinked, nonplused, but Tom was still smiling cheerily, so she didn't think there was anything particularly wrong per-say. She glanced at Heero as they passed; the former soldier was staring down at the ground.

They had been walking silently back from the beach; he'd dropped her hand after helping her over some shrubs between the road and a drainage ditch.

She flexed her fingers.

Relena wondered absently, when it came to her and Heero's relationship, if it would eventually fall on her to make the first move.

And then she laughed, because the question's premise was just so ridiculous. She imagined that one social etiquette class from what seemed like a lifetime ago. Relena was sure that threatening to shoot your love interest wasn't part of high-society procedure. Heero glanced her way, an eyebrow raised in question as the driveway curved and they walked down the brick pathway to the manor's front doors.

"Oh, it's nothing," she said, clearing her throat delicately, "I was just reminded of how far away my school days seem."

"Hn," he said in response. She recognized that particular tone as one of agreement, but he didn't ask specifics. Or give them. She doubted he had any old 'school days'. He did, however, perk up as soon as the front door had closed behind them.

"Can I use your shower?"

Her mouth went dry, and suddenly Relena was very aware of the hair on the back of her neck plastered down to her skin with sweat. She turned from the kitchen doorway, slowly, unsure if she had heard correctly, but he was standing at the bottom of the stairs, a hand on the railing and looking expectant.

"Of course, Heero. You may do whatever you wish."

He nodded stiffly, "Understood."

She smiled at his back as he ascended the staircase, his shoulders square with learned rigidity.

Would he ever be able to move past his military conditioning? She didn't think so. There were some things so ingrained in a person that no amount of normalcy would change them.

Relena heard her shower turn on as she retrieved a glass from the cabinet and filled it from the sink tap.

A part of her wanted Heero to be able to live a normal life, but she knew that for him it was impossible. Even if there were no more wars in his lifetime. He was too vigilant and had been immersed in too many battles to ever fully distance himself from Operation Meteor. He'd been irreversibly altered by the experience. But then, a stronger, selfish part of her never wanted him to change at all. Even with all the pain and frustration she knew he harbored, he was the boy she'd fallen in love with. She couldn't imagine him any other way.

It was hard not to idolize him sometimes. He had flaws, Relena knew that; she hadn't thought so at first, but as she grew to know him it had changed. They had both changed- war does that.

.o.o.o.o.

"Where is Zero?"

He was sitting up for the first time in four days, for the first time since she awoke to find him hovering over her on his hospital bed. It had taken all his strength it seemed that first night; he had fallen back against the pillows with an agonizing groan not long after. He'd been awake on and off in the days following, but this was the first time he was sitting up on his own. His chest was still bandaged, but he certainly looked stronger.

This time, she'd just closed the door to the adjacent bathroom, a cup of hot water for tea in her hand. Heero had been asleep when she'd left his side to use the room's small water-closet. But now he was awake, alert, propped up against the pillows and glaring at her.

"Where is Zero," he said again, and it was harsh enough that it didn't even sound like a question.

Relena swallowed. He was getting use to the pain, ether that or the medication was wearing off. He was touch-and-go when they admitted him, and groggy the next few days from morphine, but _this_ was much more 'normal' behavior.

She took a seat, swirling the teabag inside her cup.

"My brother Milliardo and Miss Noin are leading the recovery team for your Mobile Suit."

She didn't look up, but she could very nearly hear his eyebrows draw together.

"Zechs?"

She said nothing.

"So he's alive." Heero made a noise in the back of his throat and looked out the window, "He must be working for the Preventers. Convenient."

"Convenient?" Her tone was icy, much more than she intended. But then, how could he? She thought her brother was dead- she thought the war had claimed two of the three most important men in her life, and for a while the third had been at death's door.

Heero looked back, catching her gaze, and she saw his face soften at the sight of her. His voice was kinder too, "Zechs has no intention of dying a second time. The ideal he fought for was over when his 'death' became official." The corner of his mouth turned up, "But he's still a soldier."

Her lips drew together, "The Preventers organization is the perfect place for soldiers returning from war."

"I have no doubt that the man you call Milliardo wants to fight for peace."

Relena set her tea down on the bedside table next to the rollaway cot. The hospital had procured one for her, and Noin had brought her a duffle bag of clothing from home. From the bag she extracted a comb, running it through her damp hair. She sat primly on the cot, tailored satin lounge pants wrinkling under her. Heero watched for a moment before looking out at the dwindling light of sunset. It splashed red and orange over his lap.

"What's going on out there?"

She smiled sadly, "Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah."

Relena cleared her throat, sitting up straighter. "As I said, my brother and Noin are gathering wreckage from the battle, as well as securing a temporary hiding place for the other pilots at the Preventer's Headquarters." Her eyes flashed with mirth, "They wanted to come visit you, you know. Especially your friend Duo." Heero glared at her. "But," she continued, "I told them you needed your rest. I was adamant.

"Dorothy has been working with the President quite closely, bringing a bit of stability back between Earth and the Colonies. Well, as much stability as they can garner in four days."

"Hn."

"She's ambitious as ever, but it will serve her well, even in times of peace."

"She wants to be President of ESUN."

Relena chuckled, "That's absurd, Heero." He gave her a _look_. "Anyway. Wufei is still missing, but Sally has been tasked with locating him."

He smirked, "He won't be found unless he wants to be."

"You can't blame her for trying…"

The yawning silence grew between them. Relena fidgeted. Now that he was awake and alert, she felt foolish. Noin was right, she should go home and get some real sleep. He was out of the woods, there was no reason to stay. Relena threw the comb back into her bag with more force than was necessary, rested her forehead in her hand propped up on her knee, and let out a defeated sigh.

His voice brought her back to reality, "What about you?"

What _about_ me, Heero? She thought

Hidden under the neatly folded bag of clothing, the other parcel Noin had dropped off: a thickly-bound dossier.

" _The Foreign Minister is dead_ ," Noin had said simply but firmly as she handed the file over to Relena. Heero's heart monitor had been rhythmic in the background.

That horrible sinking feeling. _"How?"_

" _He was caught in the crossfire during an evacuation attempt of the Embassy."_

Relena had hefted the file into her lap, " _What's this, then?"_

" _Your briefing, Miss Relena."_

"Relana?"

"Huh? Oh," she flushed, "I'm sorry."

Heero frowned, "You can't stay in this hospital forever."

"No, of course not. It's just-" she laughed, tiredly, fingers flitting up to gently press against her temple. "I've been promoted, that's all. It wasn't something I was particularly prepared for."

"Hn."

She knew what he was thinking. He was always so damn practical when it came to which political move she was suppose to make next. Of course the rational decision was for her to pack up and go home, prepare some reassuring remarks for the public, get on with her duty as Foreign Minister Darlian. Peacecraft. God forbid- Yuy. Whatever.

Ugh. She was downright hallucinatory. Relena felt another headache coming on.

"I read the briefing. I know what I have to do, but I'm not leaving until-" Until what? It was a question she really didn't know how to answer. What she had been expecting? There were so many different reasons she could use to justify herself to him. She was making sure he was alive. She was giving him friendly support. But maybe she was just keeping tabs on him, afraid she would walk into the hospital room one day to find his bed vacant, and she'd be thrown into limbo once again.

A part of her really wanted to believe she was stronger than that; it was too depressing to think otherwise.

Heero was silent, but watching her every move with calm, calculating eyes.

She felt suddenly very foolish, although remained as impassive as possible. "Now that you're awake I suppose I could go home for the night." Standing, Relena smoothed the wrinkles from her pant leg. She wanted to give him his space, she'd been hovering over him far longer then he ever allowed her before.

He nodded, "That's fine."

She swallowed thickly. Heero was actually very selfless, she had to remind herself of that sometimes.

"Would you _like_ me to stay, Heero?"

His eyes were level with hers where he sat in bed. He blinked, once, somewhat slower than usual, and took a small breath- "Yeah."

Relena sat promptly on the edge of the hospital bed. "How are you feeling?" He flexed the fingers of his left hand, drawing her attention. The strain of fighting in a cockpit must have taken its toll on his body in ways she couldn't see; she knew a little on how the Gundams worked- each of his hands would have gripped those joystick controls for hours during battle.

They spoke about vague things at first- mostly she had continued informing him about Mariemaia's brief rise and fall to power.

"How is the girl?"

"She'll live," Relena said with what she hoped was an optimistic air. "Lady Une has agreed to take her in, although the girl's recovery will be a slow one."

He looked very serious as he said, "Is she really Treize's daughter?"

She nodded slow. "They did a test when she came in for surgery."

"Hmm."

"Why do you ask?"

His voice made her stomach squirm, not unpleasantly, but enough to where keeping eye contact was a bit challenging. "He never knew she existed, and yet she still followed in his footsteps." His voice turned hard, "Sometimes I think we just keep repeating the mistakes of our fathers."

Relena blinked at him, not knowing what to say. Eventually, to avoid bringing up the subject of fathers, she reverted back to an old spiel, "But we're on the right path now. Total peace is within our reach-"

"Where are they taking Zero?"

She threw up her hands, and as they flopped into her lap she gave him a reproachful look. "I don't know; do you want me to get my brother?"

Heero didn't reply, but instead looked out the window.

Her heart gave a sharp pang.

"I know it's difficult," she said gently, "but you've got two broken ribs and a fractured femur _at least_. You need to rest. For a little bit. Give yourself a few more days. I'll find out what they're going to do with the Gundams and with Zero." She took a breathe. "I promise."

"They have to be destroyed," he said firmly. "Make sure the others know that."

"I will."

She tried to engage him in topics that were unrelated to the war, but she soon realized that it comprised a very large portion of their relationship. They had bonded over almost nothing else. Eventually she turned to the one question she'd been burning to ask, that had been sitting like a lead weight.

"What will you do now, Heero? Now that you don't have to fight."

He was looking out the window at the city glistening with light and life and at the green mountains beyond. Relena knew how much he hated being cooped up, and she'd bet anything he was thinking about what he was going to do once he was discharged.

"I think," he said finally, "I'll travel for a while; finally see what Earth has to offer."

She was perched on the edge of his bed, and as he spoke, she leaned in. "Any idea where you'll start?" She didn't have the strength at the time to feel disappointed in his answer. Travel would do him well.

He blinked at her, "Japan."

She reached for his hand, "It sounds incredible." He nodded, squeezing her fingers back. Relena smiled.

She stayed until very late in the evening; it was nearly midnight before the nurse came in to administer another round of painkillers. It knocked the pilot out almost immediately.

Gathering her things, Relena caught the woman's worried look. "Is everything alright?"

"He must be very strong," the nurse remarked with moderate disbelief.

She beamed, "He is."

"He didn't buzz a nurse earlier?"

Her smile faltered, "No, why?"

"He must have been in a lot of pain. The previous course of medicine wore off hours ago."

She'd forgotten! How could she? Relena stared at him in bed lying back against the pillows, his mouth open just a bit, breathing softly. Pain lanced through her. She swallowed. "He's very strong. Yes, he is."

She returned in the morning; he was awake. She brought her paperwork, wrote a preliminary speech while they chatted, and read it to him in the afternoon. He listened as intently as if he was hung on every word. A few times she would look up from the paper and find him staring right at her. It was unnerving enough to make her stumble.

He never corrected her, but the rather wide smirk of satisfaction as she ended felt like he was giving her a standing ovation. It made Relena blush.

"Do you think it will go over well?"

"It's perfect."

"I'm glad you think so. Oh, I almost forgot," she added, tucking the paperwork into her briefcase. "The other pilots said they'd take care of your request. They still haven't found Chang, but he'll probably do the same. I think the other three are going back to Space."

"Hn."

"And Zero's remains are at the old Oz base in Oslo. It's been re-commissioned as a Preventer's high security storage facility. Very high security." Milliardo had done that purposefully, although he had given her the option of claiming the parts herself. She'd declined. It would be too obvious and too cruel a way to keep Heero close to her.

He smirked, "No problem."

"I thought you would say that." She reached for the door, "I'll be back tomorrow, Heero."

He nodded, watching her as the door clicked closed.

When she returned the next day, the bed was empty and Heero was gone. She'd expected that was going to happen all along, but it certainly didn't make it hurt any less.

.o.o.o.o.

Relena heard the shower turn off upstairs. Wheeling around, she stared at the ticking wall clock. _Eight_ minutes? Who takes eight-minute showers?

She gave him a little longer and then started up the stairs. The door opened as soon she reached the landing, and by god she wasn't imagining it- it was really Heero Yuy standing in her doorframe, bare-chested, with one of her hand towels around his neck. His hair was sticking up oddly in the back.

It was impossible to contain her laughter.

He hiked a thumb backwards, one eyebrow cocked, as if to say 'it's all yours'.

She brushed by him, relishing in the look on his face as she strode and said "My turn," before the door shut firmly behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

It was still snowing when they reached the hospital.

Relena thanked whatever deity she could think of, that the Preventer's medical facility was competent enough to use some discretion. She didn't even think they bothered to enter a name, fake or otherwise, at the registrar's when they arrived. No one was going to miss them; there was enough chaos from the previous battle that her and Heero's medical escorts were able to procure a room and usher them inside without any hassle.

Good thing too, his heart was weak against her fingers. She realized early on that their ambulance was not equipped with a single medical device. All had been scavenged for at the epicenter of the fighting; treating wounded soldiers and civilians in the city. But he needed… something. Anything. Relena gripped his hand tightly.

They had tried, momentarily upon their arrival, to detach her from Heero's side, but Relena had been adamant, and no one was going to say 'no' to Earth's former Queen. So, she had that card to throw around, however reluctant she was about using it.

She ran a hand through her dirty, matted hair.

"Do you need anything else, ma'am?" The Preventer medic snapped to attention at the door to the hospital room. Heero's heartbeat _piped_ on the computer screen, fluid draining into tubes on the back of the hand Relena had affixed with her own.

"No, that's alright," she said in a low, almost whispered voice, not turning.

The man nodded and exited the room, door clicking shut behind him.

Not but five minutes had gone by and the door opened again, the same man, looking rather stern, stepped inside.

Relena raised her head from the edge of the bed where it had been resting, her body curled upon a chair next to the slightly tilted cot. "Yes?"

The man, jaw set, blinked down at a paper cup he was holding and extended it towards her. Relena's eyes flickered from the Officer's face and down to the cup's contents. The water inside ebbed in a lazy swirl from where it had been previously poured. Looking up again, Relena gave the man a very sweet smile, "Oh, no thank you."

The Officer retracted his hand, went slightly pink, and quickly left the room. The door closed once again.

Relena let out a shaking breath, shoulders hunching.

The heart monitor _piped_ rhythmically.

The door swung suddenly openem. Relena scowled.

"You know," she ground out in frustration, "the next time you send someone in to poison me- oh."

Her brother stood framed in the doorway, glaring down at Heero's unconscious form. His eyes moved to his sister. As he spoke in his low voice, Relena felt a lump rise in her throat. "I see the boy was successful."

She glanced too at the young soldier, "Yes. He always is. But, what are you doing here?"

A corner of his mouth quirked upwards. "I work for the Preventers now."

Relena smiled and sniffed, "Of course. I suspected. I heard… when Noin…"

Milliardo's warm affection turned suddenly into stern countenance, "You need rest."

She frowned, "You just tried to drug me." He had the courtesy enough to look uncomfortable. "I've already been given a spiked drink once within the last forty-eight hours; trying again so soon is just suspicious."

"At least let me bring you a change of clothing."

Relena sniffed again, speaking very quietly, "I... I thought you were dead."

Her brother folded his arms across his jacket and adopted a dismissive air. "I was, for a time."

The sniffles turned into a snort of incredulity. "Always so dramatic."

"How is our Gundam Pilot?"

She cocked her head. Heero's face was turned away against the pillow. They had done as much as they could have. Relena informed Milliardo thusly. All that was left for Heero to do was to wake up. Just, wake up. Even saying it made it sound possible, attainable; like it could happen at any moment.

Her brother pointed out that they had _all_ seen Wing Zero break apart mid-flight, its pilot refusing to deal a killing blow to the compound.

"He missed," her brother pointed his chin towards the sleeping young man.

Relena smiled softly, "Heero doesn't just miss."

She felt her brother stiffen, "Then… because of you."

"No," she massaged the palm of Heero's hand with her thumb, "I was prepared to die."

"Then for some other reason."

"He may never tell us."

She meant, of course, that he would never _want_ them to know, but implied within was the possibility that the may never know. That his death would prevent him from ever telling them. Her words, like thistles, stuck in the back of her throat. Lodged there was the potential fact that Heero's fight was over, and that he may finally end his last mission in a way he failed to do before: with his death. He deserved a quiet death; Relena found herself thinking as she watched the hospital heart monitor spike.

Milliardo had left her long ago; perhaps four hours had passed since his reappearance from the grave and brief conversation with his little sister. It was nearing hour six and Relena found her joints remarkably stiff from her curled-up position on the visitor's chair. It was then she began that strange reasoning; that feeling that Heero was at peace enough to finally allow himself to die.

On the other hand, who was Relena but not one to hope? They both had been in precarious situations before, ones where death was almost certain, but life had prevailed. They had survived. There was always chance; chance and hope.

Somewhere between these two warring engines of fate, Relena found fitful sleep.

Hours later, when she woke, it was she to the gentle caress of fingertips against her forehead on the bed. Blinking upwards, her breath caught.

"Heero?"

His right hand was still firmly gripped by both her own, but his other had come across his tightly-bandaged chest to tangle in her hair. He was sitting up awkwardly on his good shoulder, but he was awake, staring down at her like something from another universe. His cold, beautiful, perfect-soldier eyes caught hers. Relief flooded her stomach with warmth so immediate, it made her head swim.

Her lips parted in surprise, "Heero, you're alive". There was the brief _pip-pip_ from the heart monitor before it returned to a calm, even pace.

Relena looked down at their entwined hands. He had not pulled away.

Glancing back, Relena saw Heero had turned to look out the window at the snowy city beyond.

His voice was rough with sleep and dehydration, "They've all stopped fighting."

o.o.o.o.

Relena sat heavily upon the grassy knoll overlooking the beach, sweat dripping from her forehead. A breeze cooled the back of her neck as she looked unconvincingly up at Heero, who was standing over her now, an eyebrow raised in question. She frowned, and felt a pang of incredulity as she took a deep breath to calm her pounding heart. How did he have so much stamina? She felt like she was about to collapse, and there he was, not even breaking sweat.

She waved a hand at him, "You… go on without me."

He let out a bark of laughter.

She glared.

Heero looked up at the waterline. "It's not your fault you can't keep up," his voice was low and mocking, "I've had special training."

From her sitting position, Relena stared at the laces of his tennis shoes. Heero leaned down and dropped next to her, lying back against the grass. The moment his head hit the ground it was like he relaxed completely, contented to stay there for a millennia.

Turning her cheek to rest on her pulled-up knees, Relena smiled as she heard him take a depth breath and sigh. When she glanced up at his face she saw that his eyes were closed.

She wanted to ask him something, anything to keep him talking like before. Every sentence, every word he divulged to her was like a gift. He was so very closed, for so very long, that even the tiniest crack in his façade made her unimaginably happy.

" _It's a bit obsessive,"_ Noin had told her some time ago, as gently as possible.

But Relena was inquisitive. And Heero was the most mysterious thing in the entire solar system.

In the pause she was able to catch her breath, but before she could say a word-

"On the colonies you can feel the artificial gravity correcting itself," he said with his eyes still closed, "The boosters in Main Propulsion shift every forty-eight hours to course correct. You can feel the g-force change, just for a moment, if you try hard enough."

Relena stared at him, moving not a muscle. Observing. Waiting.

Heero took another breath, blinking slowly. "Nothing can compare to the Earth."

"I've always thought life in space would be incredible."

"You're wrong." Relena turned around to face him as he propped himself on his elbows, sitting up to address her. "Outer space is too brutal; a breeding ground for more battles."

"Your ideas have not changed about that, I suppose."

"I've said it before, humans living in the outer space has been a complete waste; it's only more frontier for those who are strong to try and conquer. Earth is left behind. Colony men forget about the Earth, and their children never step foot on it."

Relena frowned. "It's a shame that you first saw Earth under such harsh pretenses."

"Hn." And then he seemed to remember something, and she could see it behind his eyes, working its way up to form words that tumbled from his lips in his usual even-toned murmur, "Once, before Operation Meteor, I think... I traveled to Earth. I was a child." He looked like he was concentrating hard, as if the memory was difficult to conjure.

Heero sat all the way up, one leg coming to cross under him. Relena did not move, but the hand he placed on the ground tipped him forward close enough that she could see individual eyelashes. "I don't remember exactly who-"

And then his face fell into a hard mask. Relena was taken aback. The change was so sudden that she was prompted to ask, "Heero? Are you alright?"

"It's nothing."

"Uh-huh," she said, unconvinced. He gave her that _look_ , the one he adopted when his harsh demeanor didn't intimidate her. But he said nothing more, and his secret keeping was getting on her nerves. "There's no war, Heero. No more covert operations or suicide missions. You don't have to be this ghost anymore."

He snorted, "You think it's over."

"I am not so naïve," she sighed, "to think that all battles are over. But your days of killing are done; you can _move on_ , Heero. You can have a life somewhere."

"My life was that war," his tone was dangerous now; she'd hit a nerve. His voice had not raised in volume since they had started talking, but there was a precise, needle-like coldness to his words that made Relena's mouth snap shut. "There might have been a time before my training, but I don't remember. I became this instrument, this… perfect solider. That _was_ my life, Relena."

All that pride and self-loathing, it was so stark she could taste it. On the one hand he was still grasping at that life; but he'd taken the time to disassemble Zero. A part of him had moved on. But there was something left over, something he needed. Relena swallowed and slowly, she was able to say, "What exactly were you looking for in Zero's hard drive?"

His expression did not change, "Personal files."

"Yes, but-" What was the first thing he'd done after fleeing the hospital? He'd gone to Japan, hadn't he.

… _In the Operation's files. They never told us. To go back, to see where I thought- where it might be- my family, my ancestors._

Relena's lips parted as she thought, connected the dots, and drew breath. "You were looking for your personal file. _Your_ personal file. The one Doctor J would have on you. You were looking for information about life before Meteor, weren't you?"

"Hn."

She bit her lip. In this situation, Relena would accept monosyllabic grunts as affirmation.

"But then why destroy it?"

There was a moment where he just looked at her, staring with that intensity in his eyes that hadn't changed since the first time they'd met. She really didn't think he was going to say another word. It wouldn't be the first time her questions would fade away unanswered. But, like the numerous times previous, she couldn't help but ask.

"I use to believe that I would be killed in battle. There was a very high probability. It didn't matter to me; I was prepared to give my life in service of the mission. What came before Doctor J's training," he paused, collecting his thoughts, "it didn't matter. Going forward to meet my destiny was all I knew I could do. But you- there wasn't anything I could do to stop you from getting involved." He stared at the ground, "even threatening your life."

Relena swallowed.

"You reminded me of things I had seen during my training, of things from before that I hadn't taken the time to remember. Of things I had done to innocent people." His words were sounding a bit forced now, Relena thought. Like he was trying very hard to keep going. "Marimaya's death, or rather, her birth. I thought of Treiz."

"I remember, in the hospital."

He nodded slowly, "But what little I could find only raised more questions then it answered. And there was no way for me to get inside Zero's files."

"Did you try asking Zero?"

At that he straightened up, and his soldier's attitude slid a bit back into place. "Zero would tell me nothing. The last time I was able to connect was after facing Wufei. During Zero's final battle the Gundam was destroyed, and there's no way to integrate that particular System with any other Mobile Suit."

"Hmm."

At the sound of her voice he looked up, caught her gaze; his shoulders relaxed. "But I finally realized that it didn't matter. I was alive. Information about past lives will not help me live my life in the present. Now I'm nameless and government protected," he smirked at her. "And I have something I never had before, something you gave to me, Relena."

It took her two tries to say breathily, "And what's that?"

"A purpose, other than meaningless battles."

Heat flushed her face; she felt like she'd been running again. She should have been happy. Here she was, given another insight into Heero's life. Wasn't that what she wanted? But she felt terrible, like she'd dragged the thing out of him sans consent.

"I'm sorry," she leaned away on her left hip upon the grass, "about asking you before. I was being rude, and I apologize."

"It's nothing," Heero said as he got to his feet, holding a hand out towards her. Relena accepted, and he hoisted her up off the grass into a standing position. "If it weren't for you, I'd probably be dead."

She smiled, "Well, I could say the same you know."


	6. Chapter 6

From atop the landing she could see down into the little estate's living room; she was surprised to see Heero sitting on the couch there with a laptop open on his knees. Across from him, the T.V above the fireplace was on and tuned to something mundane; it looked like the weather channel, muted, but closed-captioned.

Relena frowned, bringing a small towel up to dry her hair.

Where had he procured a computer?

She hadn't been in the shower _that_ long, well it certainly hadn't been as quick as _eight minutes_ , but the nearest town was still miles away.

He didn't look up as she walked down the carpeted stairs, retrieving her novel from the kitchen. He didn't look up as she plopped down onto the couch next to him- across from him really; it was a ridiculously long couch. A hold over from her mother's dinner parties of long, long ago. This had been her mother's private residence, after all. When she was still the wife of a Vice Foreign Minister. It was prudent back then to have a 'hen's house' as she use to call it, to entertain the wives of foreign dignitaries.

Now it was her daughter's escape from the reality of governance.

If her mother could see her now, Relena thought wistfully. The older woman was back in the Capitol, heading up some charity organizations they had founded together. She doubted Mareen would have approved her keeping the former pilot's company. The woman was tolerant of him; he'd saved her daughters life on numerous occasions, she just wasn't fond of his surfeit for killing.

Relena leaned her back against the large armrest and stretched her legs out over the cushions. Her toes didn't even reach the side of his thigh.

The computer _pipped_ as his fingers made slow races around the keyboard.

She sighed, turning her attention to the television set. The reporter, with his plastic looking hair, was updating the weather conditions around the country in bland, unblinking teleprompt. It was dull, and it didn't even look like Heero was paying attention.

Grabbing the remote off the table, she started flipping channels.

It occurred to Relena, as she passed another infomercial, that her old friends from the Academy were probably being taken out to parties that evening; hitting the town. It didn't bother her too badly, she'd given up the hope of ever living out the life she had before the war. Even on a secluded vacation, Foreign Ministers don't usually frequent the town strip.

She wasn't jealous.

She just found it humorous that deep, deep down, she actually preferred this. Whatever _this_ was.

"There's a kung-fu movie on channel forty-seven."

Relena turned her head towards Heero like she'd never seen him before. "And how do you know that?"

He blinked sideways at her, hands poised over the keyboard. "I looked it up."

"I didn't even think we had wireless here," she said absently, hardly believing they were having this conversation, as she punched in the channel numbers.

He continued typing. "Satellite connection."

Now that the were talking about it, "Where _did_ you get that computer, Heero?"

He smiled very slightly, just the upturning corners of his mouth. "I… procured it."

Her eyes narrowed.

The channels flicked by until she stopped on the appropriate number. Kung-fu indeed, and poorly subtitled. Relena thought of the nearly-completed files sitting on her desk upstairs. She was preparing a speech concerning more funding for the Mars project. During Heero's absence they had received enough of a grant from the government to erect a temporary ground-base, but there were more facilities that they wanted to build there, and funds were tight in this post-war era. The government was keen to keep a close watch on military spending.

The speech was finished- she thought- but there was still a bit of tweaking she needed to do. Maybe Heero wouldn't mind if she practiced it on him; he'd done it before in the hospital. He seemed to enjoy it, but he might have just been putting up with her tedium. Relean sighed. Noin always told her that all the second-guessing she did probably wasn't helping to move their relationship forward.

What relationship?

She didn't really know what to call this weird comfortability they seemed to have with each other.

" _We've done a little digging,"_ Noin had told her over communicade from space. It had been sometime in those months between Heero's disappearance from the hospital and his reappearance on her doorstep. . _"It seems that the 'Heero Yuy' we know didn't pop up on the radar until just before Operation Meteor. The Doctors were very careful to keep most of their files hidden or prepped for self-corruption upon their death._ "

Relena had been sitting in her 'new' office downtown in the Capitol. The Preventers had seen fit to purchase the building beside the embassy. She supposed, now, she could have been working right next to some of the former pilots and would have had no idea. She knew Une was there; the pair met for luncheons when both their schedules allowed for the time to do so. They rarely did.

Still, she knew what the organization was up to. Her brother and Noin communicated regularly.

During that particular conversation, she had Noin on one video feed and the Campaign on another right beside it. Election Day was in two weeks. On the screen she saw the blonde, impassioned Dorothy Catalonia stumping up on the podium. The volume was turned down, but her passion was evident. 

The woman was advocating for the incumbent ESUN President, but it was plain to see the personal ambition behind her words. The President would only have another four-year term before he was forced out of office. Dorothy had thrown her hat into the public ring early, but it would lay the perfect foundation for her future campaign.

Heero had been right.

" _Relena, are you listening?"_

She nodded, "Sorry, I've been watching Dorothy speak."

" _Your brother's in the other room watching the same thing."_

She frowned, "I didn't think he liked Dorothy very much."

" _He doesn't."_

Well, Relena had her reservations about her too, but they still maintained a fairly close relationship. And she knew that their acquaintance was in part political. Dorothy wanted to align herself with the- if not famous before- now legendary, former Queen Foreign Minister. Relena supposed she would have to give a speech sometime in the future in support of the woman's political bid. She'd do so willingly. Dorothy may be ambitious, but she was eager to listen to Relena's political opinions, and apparently she was still in contact with the Winner family. Dorothy was laying roots in both Earth's political arena as well as the Colonies'. Smart move.

"I'm sorry, Noin, you were saying?"

The woman looked down at a few sheets of paper she was holding off camera. _"I know you've put a lot of personal funding into our fact-finding mission on Heero, but there's just not much to uncover. We know he entered into Doctor J's service as a young boy, but it seems like the majority of his childhood was taken up by training. There are some shaky records of his coming to Earth on a few occasions as a child, but as to the purpose of his visit, we'd just be speculating. During one of his possible trips a prominent official was assassination, but he'd have been just a boy. He couldn't have been involved. "_

So she thinks, Relena thought ruefully. Anything was possible when it came to Heero Yuy.

Otherwise it was just as she thought; he'd been a soldier all his life. She'd hoped otherwise, but…

"Thank you, Noin. How's the Station treating you?"

" _Oh we're fine. It'll be nice when we get some real funding for a terrestrial base,"_ she gave Relena a knowing smile. _"Zechs gets a bit of cabin fever after too long."_

"I'm working on it."

" _Not too hard I hope."_ The woman's face became serious, _"Don't let that pilot drag you down, Relena."_

Drag her down?

Did Noin mean to say that she was glad Relena wasn't pining? Well, her schedule didn't really leave room for her to mope around at home. Still, it wasn't as if she didn't feel Heero's absence acutely. It was a hole in her otherwise fast-paced life. She never wished him any ill, but she'd be lying if she denied that on some days, she hoped to turn on the news feed and see his face.

It was easier to push him out of her mind. He'd been gone before for a good eight months, she could survive a year.

She didn't know how long she'd wait after that, but he had about as much luck staying away from her as she did from him. They would run into each other eventually, she was sure of it…

"Hn."

Heero's voice brought her back to reality.

Relena sat up, turning away from the awful TV program, "What's that?"

He checked a digital clock on the laptop's desktop, "Almost time."

Her blood ran cold, "Time for what, Heero?"

The dread in her voice must have been painfully apparent, because he cocked an eyebrow in her direction and said in his usual deadpan, "I ordered food." Relena thought her mouth might have gone a bit slack at that. Calm as could be, he shifted the computer onto the glass table between the couch and the fireplace, and stood up. Relena saw a blank desktop; apart from the digital clock and a type command box, there was nothing.

The former pilot gave her a sly look before walking briskly out of the room and into the kitchen. Relena flopped back down on the sofa. Not a few moments had gone by and there was a buzz on the intercom.

She jumped up to retrieve it.

"Hello?"

"Ma'am there is a… pizza delivery man at the gate?"

The night guard sounded as confused as she felt.

"It's alright, let him in."

"Yes ma'am."

The comm buzzed and went silent.

Relena stared at her finger as it depressed the button. Once again she felt like she was living some strange dream. For such a troubled young man, Heero could be decidedly human when he wanted. It was giving her whiplash.

There was a knock at the front door. Before she could reach it Heero was already there. A thrill when through her when, from behind, she saw a gun tucked into the back waistband of his jeans. For a wild moment she thought he was going to shoot the young boy carrying the pizza boxes, right on her front steps.

But he simply handed the driver his flashy blue credit card and took the food.

It was like watching a Dali painting in motion; to Relena the whole thing was just so bizarre.

"Thank you," Heero said in a low rumble, before shutting the door. He held the two medium boxes, hoisting them onto the living room table in front of the TV. Her head turned to watch, body rooted to the spot. He gave her a quizzical look.

"Do- Do you want something to drink?" It was the only think she could think of to say.

"There's a bottle of that red you like."

Fuck, she thought. Oh, fuck.

Relena really wasn't one to cuss, but he was staring at her, and she didn't think she was going to be able to move. And wine? _Wine_?

"Alright," she managed, walking rather stiffly into the other room. Her heart was pounding as she grabbed two glasses and the particular bottle in question. Thank god it was twist top; Relena didn't think she was capable of de-corking a wine bottle with shaking hands.

Returning, she found him sitting with both boxes open; one pizza piled with veggies, and the other with only cheese and pineapple. She sat down. Oh, she had forgotten plates. But it didn't seem to matter. Heero pulled a slice off each, put one upside down on top of the other, and took a giant bite.

"Interesting choice," she said sarcastically, pouring the wine. Above them the samarai movie was playing some choreographed battle scene. Heero was staring enraptured, but at her remark, he took the time to chew, swallow, and address her.

"You should try it."

"No thank you," she said politely, grabbing a vegetarian slice for herself. He shrugged, turning his attention back to the television. Relena chewed silently, eyes on the screen, but mind on the former pilot beside her.

She wondered how long he'd just 'sat around' since the War. How many hours of down time he'd caught up on.

Her glass was empty; she filled it a second time.

"Heero?" She said eventually, as the movie ran its credits and cut to commercial. He was picking up one of the empty pizza boxes, having consolidated the few remaining slices into the other.

"Hm?"

They had consumed nearly all the wine by then. Relena was stretched out on the ridiculously lengthy couch, ankles primly crossed. She was tipsy, maybe a bit drunk. He seemed fine though, she thought bitterly, even if he'd had more to drink then she.

At her words he had paused in the foyer, turning back to look at her.

There were things she would have liked to say to him, things that she'd longed to tell him, but all that came tumbling out of her mouth was, "You're going to leave again, aren't you?" He gave her a very hard look, before ducking into the kitchen to set down the empty box. Relena pushed the wine glass, with but only a gulp left swirling on the bottom, along the table with her fingernail.

Her mouth felt like cotton.

It was all very well and good, she thought, having Heero around. But it was a false sense of normally. It was… wrong, because she knew him too well.

The wine that was making her weepy; making her weak.

And she shouldn't be weak, not around him, anyone but him.

"Relena."

She looked up, sat up, from where she was slouched against the cushions. Heero came around the back of the couch and sat down again.

His elbows were resting on his thighs, arms hanging between his knees. He was looking down at the table, or maybe the carpet- she couldn't tell. But he was resigning himself, she could see that plain as day. The prickling feeling in her eyes grew, her head swam. Relena looked down too, taking a deep breath as her throat constricted.

She wanted to say _something_ , but his hand suddenly caught her wrist, turning her body to face him. His finger lifted her chin, making her meet his eyes. She blinked back un-fallen tears as he caught her in his gaze, eyes calm but piercing, so full of the emotion his voice seemed to lack.

That low, rumbling sound she always felt when he spoke; she drank it up when he said, "It's not that simple."

There were hints of that young, spoiled child in her when she retorted, "But- but why?" He didn't speak, nor give her any indication that he'd even heard her, despite their close proximity to one another. She tried again, "Where will you go?"

"I have a job."

"A job?" She said incredulously. "Doing what?"

"Bodyguard."

Relena fumed, narrowing her eyes, the hurt of his decision lancing through her. She tried to pull away, but one of his hands was still on her wrist; the other was pressing on her knee. But, when had it moved there from her chin?

The heat coalesced into anger, fueled by the wine.

"Ha. Ha," she spat. "Very funny."

Heero raised a single eyebrow at her, and frowned.

His grip seemed tighter than before. Their knees were touching now. His hand there moved up to trace the faint outline of her hair, before flitting faintly upon her jaw- her neck- her collarbone.

Her breath came in huffing little sups of air. There was no way she was going to be able to stay angry, but damn it she _was_ angry.

"I swore I would protect you," he growled.

"I know," her voice was piteous, "I know."

He repeated what he'd said before, as if she would forget, "A purpose, other than meaningless battles."

Relena nodded against his touch; his calloused fingers. A thrill shot through her at the thought of those fingers gripping the controls of his mobile suit. Rocketing through the atmosphere. Breaking into tiny bits of metal. Killing.

He must have felt her shudder, but he didn't pull away, not even when Relena reached up cup his face in her hands.

She didn't even have to raise her voice; they were mere inches apart. "You have to know," she whispered, "what I feel. How I feel. For you. Heero. You have to-"

"Hn."

They had only kissed once before, during their escape from her kidnappers. He had pulled her to him, and she had felt his heartbeat under her fingers as he clutched them to his chest.

This was different.

Relena closed what little gap there was between them, pressing her lips to his. There was a terrifying moment where she thought she had misread him; that he wasn't going to respond. But, after a moment in which he seemed to compose himself, she felt him move. Heero's hand had left her wrist to move behind and press against her shoulder blades, the other pulling gently on her jaw line.

She opened her mouth in a rushing breath and he wasted no time in deepening the contact, pulling her towards him, so that she had to pick her feet up off the ground to lean over far enough, splayed against his chest.

And she was crying, and kissing him, and he tilted her head back exposing her throat, breaking for only a moment so they might catch their breath.

They leant far enough back that his shoulders connected against the couch's armrest. She was nearly on top of him, and he didn't seem to mind.

It was frenzied, her fingers, but his kisses were long and methodical, drawing her bottom lip out to nip.

She sighed against his lips, his tongue sweeping her mouth.

It was too bittersweet. Too painful, knowing that it was going to be over.

Relena pulled herself away. "This can't- we can't-"

And then she stopped, when she got a good enough look at him.

Heero Yuy was peering up at her, his hair bunched up oddly to one side where it was scrunched against the fabric of her mother's couch. He was blushing, or perhaps just a bit flushed. They both were, and breathing heavy too.

It struck her, in that moment, that he might not be able to give her everything she wanted. Not that she _knew_ what she wanted anyway, but it was certainly going to be too pedestrian for him to really relate to. At least right now.

And it would be ridiculous to assume that he had a grip on his own life yet, what with the sudden transition from soldier to civilian. He wanted a return from the battlefields of his youth, but it would be a long homecoming.

She realized all of this, all at once, while still being able to marvel at the way his lashes would lay shadows against his dark skin as he blinked.

His chest, or what she could see of it above his shirt collar, rose and fell with his breathing.

"I'm sorry," she said with the barest of laughs. For either being too forward, or too reserved; for initiating the kiss, or ending it- she was sorry.

Relena gave a little noise of surprise as his hand found its way to the base of her skull, fingers tangling in her soft hair.

The corner of Heero's mouth upturned slightly as he said, "Relena. You worry too much," and pulled her down for another kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunlight came streaming in through the living room windows. Relena turned her body towards the back of the couch, arm flung up over her head. The cool morning air settled into the country house like ground fog. She shivered.

She knew she was alone, too, and that gave her all the more reason to ignore the bright morning with its blue skies and birdcalls. Cheerful. Disgustingly cheerful.

A tired sigh escaped the young Foreign Minister's lips.

Her human pillow had detangled himself from her sleeping grasp hours ago, sometime in the pre-dawn night. She had remembered his soothing words against her temple, his hand smoothing the hair back from her face.

" _Sleep well, Relena."_

He had exhausted her, which might not have been too hard of a task seeing as she was sluggish with all that wine. They had kissed, held each other, touched one another, and she had fallen asleep in his arms. Not that, deep down, she hadn't wanted to have done _more…_ but one hardly ever gets what one wants on the first try. Or second. Or third, for that matter.

He was gone again, and that was all there was to it.

She didn't want to turn over. Her head was pounding very delicately behind her eyes and she just _felt_ exhausted. Like all the happiness had been squeezed out.

But there it was, that feeling of self-preservation; the reason Noin didn't really have to worry. She forced her eyes open, stretching out against the cushions.

It would be all right, Relena thought, she forgave him, as she always would. There was no question about it. She was devoted, damn it. Maybe she had to remind herself that at times, but it didn't make it any less true.

A determined sigh escaped her lips; she ran a delicate hand over her face and down into her hair. Filigree stands caught in the cold morning sun, and out of the corner of her eye she saw a manila folder sitting on the glass table.

"Huh. What's that?"

She reached out, feeling the papery surface for a moment before lifting it into her lap. Propping herself against the cushions, she pulled one of the throw blankets down over her legs, flipping the file's cover open.

There were only a couple sheets of paper stacked together. They looked like computer printouts, with large headers and complex file numbers printed at the top. Relena rotated the first page to read the scrawling handwriting against margin.

She'd recognize it anywhere; Heero had left her a note.

It was the same print he'd used in her birthday card- the one he left on the plane for her to find. She hadn't seen him handwrite much of anything before, so she supposed this was his natural penmanship. Heero wrote in all caps, but with tiny, computer-like precision, like he scratched out each and every letter with swift but legible ease. Her script would dwarf his, even if his _was_ all uppercase.

" _Most data corrupted_ ," she read out loud, " _Enclosed, the recovered files before Zero hard-drive wipe. Speak soon, HY._ "

Her forehead creased as she scanned the first document. Some of the text had defaulted into computer filler; symbols she could not read. Other information however, was still legible, including the paper's letterhead. OZ's golden lion crest, printed in poor-quality black and white, loomed over the blocks of information:

…

_OFFICIAL OZ TRANSFER ORDER – January 1, AC 175_

_ASSIGNMENT PERSONEL FILE NO. 846_

_NAME: Odin Lowe_

_DATE OF TRANSFER: March 30, AC 175_

_DEPARTMENTAL CLEARENCE: OZ Special Assignments Division, Clearance code_ 8469275

_MISSION PERAMETERS: Assassination of Heero Yuy on April 7, AC 174_

_MISSION STATUS: Complete_

…

Another communicade had been printed out a little farther down the page.

…

_OFFICIAL OZ REPORT OF DECEASED – November 3, AC 188_

_ASSIGNMENT PERSONEL FILE NO. 846_

_NAME: Odin Lowe_

_DEPARTMENTAl CLEARENCE: OZ Special Assignments Division, Clearance code_ 8469275

_STATUS: AWOL. Killed in action on October 22, A.C. 188_

_MISSION PERAMETERS: Attempted assassination of Alliance General Septum_

_MISSION STATUS: Failed_

…

Relena blinked.

He had found the man who murdered the colonies' chief representative? It had been almost twenty years ago, and the perpetrator was dead. No surprise he had been working for OZ, though. But they could have guessed at that; what was the point of Heero's near obsession over what Zero had locked away?

She flipped the page.

The second document was a printout of computer correspondence between two abbreviated parties, although the first was easy enough to figure out given the previous document.

…

_OL: Is this a secure channel?_

_JN: As secure as it comes in this day and age. I thought you told me you'd kill me the next time we spoke. I wonder, what's prompted this little conversation?_

_OL: You received my message via courier._

_JN: Obviously._

_OL: Aoi and Seis are dead. I have the boy with me now._

_JN: A pity. Clark was one of my finest defectors._

_OL: The boy and I will be en-route to_ _L3-X-18999 in March. I've been given a final mission._

_JN: Then you know they mean to kill you._

_OL: Yes._

_JN: And the boy?_

_OL: Aoi always trusted you, Doctor. If anything should go wrong…_

_JN: Yes, I see. And what should I do with the little wretch? Surely you have higher aspirations for your son, rather than him become an assassin like his father. Than again, his mother was certainly dedicated to our cause._

_OL: She died for your cause. And the boy's already been assisting me. He should have the basics down before you get your claw on him._

_JN: Don't you find it strange to entrust little-ol Junior to a man you swore to kill?_

_OL: It won't matter, I'll be dead. And don't call him Junior. Aoi never wanted him to have my name. Come up with something more meaningful for his file._

_JN: You have my word._

_OL: I'll contact you over secure channels when we reach the colony in two month's time._

_JN: Perhaps I can find a use for the boy upon your arrival._

…

The text ended abruptly at the bottom of the page. Relena turned over the paper, but there was nothing else.

'OL' was obvious: Odin Lowe. But who was 'JN'?

Relena thought for a moment, reading both texts over again.

_JN_

' _J'_ and _'Doctor_ ' and _'claw'_?

Could that mean Doctor J?

Then-

Relena felt the paper flutter down into her lap.

It meant the boy in question had been Heero, and that his _father_ had assassinated the real Heero Yuy.

And Odin had been working for OZ, but hadn't been living with Heero. Instead it sounded like Heero had been living with 'Aoi and Seis', whoever they were. One of them must have been his mother, but both had died, and so Clark had taken his son under his wing.

How horrible for Heero, she thought, to be the son of the man who assassinated the champion of the colonies.

But what larger roll had Lowe taken in shaping the world they lived in today? He was high enough in OZ's ranking to have an important assassination assigned to him. Certainly high ranking enough for them to 'get rid of him'. What other missions had OZ tasked him with?

And Heero's mother had 'defected' to Dr. J's side? The rebels? Did that mean that she, too, had worked for OZ at some point?

The whole thing was already making her head spin.

Heero was right, " _What little I could find only raised more questions then it answered."_

And how old would he have been, then? About eight years. And he'd expressed to her before that there were things during his early missions, and during his training, that he'd pushed from his mind. Things that resurfaced because of her.

There was one more paper in the folder, another official OZ document. It didn't look to be a soldier's file or anything like that. More like a telegram or notice.

…

_Attn: Alliance Space Force's General Septum_

_OFFICIAL OZ INCIDENT REPORT_

_Late Thursday night, an explosion in the mobile suit Equipments building lead to base-wide evacuation of Colony L6-S18455's Alliance military base._

_Subsequent explosions were reported in Main Engineering, Flight Simulation, Tactical, a number of Hanger Bays, as well as the mobile suit Armory._

_Hanger Bay B, located in the south west quadrant, experienced extreme damage as a number of fully equipped, off-duty Leo suits stored there received the brunt of the explosion._

_One suit, upon impact, breached base boundary lines, damaging many of the surrounding civilian housing units._

_Apart from 150 military personnel who were caught in the explosions, almost six square blocks of city housing were destroyed. Preliminary numbers suggest that civilian casualties reach beyond 2,000 in number. Those killed range from families of active-duty military personal, Colony maintenance workers, and others._

_No person or persons have claimed responsibility for this attack, and no suspects have been found. However, strong evidence suggests that this is yet another terrorist attack by Colony rebels._

_It is also highly unlikely that rebels intended to target any building but those on base property. Damage to Colony civilians was likely accidental in nature._

_This preliminary report drafted, and approved, by L6-S18455 Alliance Emergency Advisory Board._

_December 22, AC 194._

…

Once again, it took Relena a few reads until the information really sunk in. She took a giant intake of breath, closing the folder and placing it back down upon the table, bring her other hand up to cover her mouth.

Yes, of course it was Heero. Noin had said there had been other incidents… shadowy assassinations, missions with no culprit. Were they all Heero Yuy? What about the other pilots? But then… Heero far surpassed their abilities.

Heero was trained. Extensively.

It must have been him.

Relena imagined a young, tousled-hair boy amidst the carnage on the colony. An innocent life replaced with one of a killer.

At what time had his eyes gone cold? What age did his training fully take hold? Was it with his father or the Doctor? When did he adopt, she wondered, that impassive stare that made you feel so very much, but gave nothing away?

When all those people died, no doubt. There was no other reason for him to be telling her this. He was explaining, maybe repenting. Whatever it was, it was so deeply personal that she would probably be the only person he would ever tell.

There were tears streaking down her face and over the clamped fingers against her lips, but she wasn't sobbing. It was a silent, resigned lament for the boy who had been lost on that colony, whose parents had died.

And she _did_ know what he was going through. Her own past was riddled with enough painful things. She tried her hardest not to think about it.

"Okay, okay," she breathed, fanning herself with her tear-streaked hand. "It's okay. Heero, my god." She picked up the file again and held it against her, wiping her eyes with her other hand, "Oh, Heero."

* * *

Monday morning.

Her teeth were brushed, morning coffee and parfait consumed. Her speech was typed and printed, sitting on top of Heero's document file on the table.

It had been a couple of days since he had left. Relena made it a point to keep busy with her Terraforming work and other state business. Still, the house was uncomfortably quiet. It wasn't like he had been loud, and that the house was quiet without him, no. Instead, she always rounded the corner into the kitchen and, for some reason, expected him to be sitting at her table.

He always left a giant void in her life that she wanted desperately to fill.

The house phone rang promptly at seven, and Relena clicked the speakerphone button on the consol as she buttoned up her jacket in the front entry hall.

"Hello?"

"Relena, hello."

She paused. "Oh, Lady Une. What a surprise. It's good to hear from you."

Relena was pleased to hear the woman's voice sounding so well-rested. "I should say the same," Une said, "I hear you're coming back to the Capitol today."

"I'm wrapping up my little vacation here. My driver from the Embassy should be coming by at seven thirty. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about? I have a little time." She glanced at the clock.

"I wanted to let you know that the President signed a contract with the Preventers last week. I wasn't sure you knew."

Relena checked her hair in the foyer mirror. "Oh. No, I was unaware."

"I see," the woman paused for just slightly longer than Relena thought necessary.

"Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing to worry about." She could hear her laugh over the phone, "I didn't mean to startle you. There was a decision brokered between our Organization and the Cabinet. The Preventers have been contracted to provide security support to ESUN officials, as well as other important personnel. I thought you might have been… informed," she finished.

"Security support?" Relena picked up the files sitting on the table. "Does that mean I have a new driver?"

"Perhaps. You might see some Preventer agents around the office. There were some close calls concerning the default security team the government had in place. They thought we could provide a better service, given the track record of those we employ. But," she wrapped up quickly, "we should have lunch soon, Relena. Let me know when your busy schedule frees up."

"I will, thank you."

They said their quick goodbyes. It wasn't too long after that the front gate called, heralding a black, unmarked vehicle that pulled up the front drive.

The front door opened under her touch, swinging inward. She didn't need to lock it. Once she was on her way to the Capitol, the on-site staff would come in and clean the estate, prepping it for her return in a few months.

Her heels clicked as she rounded the front path into the driveway. The car's windows were blacked out, standard issue. Nothing different there. It was the kind of car that always reminded her of a limousine's little cousin. It was just bigger than a standard town car, but with two rows of seats that faced each other in the back, so politicians could hold meetings on the road.

She was staring so intently at the car and at the ground, at her shoes making their way over the brickwork, that she didn't look up at the nameless Preventer security agent who got out of the backseat and held open the door.

Her mind was elsewhere.

Relena slid onto the first seat, moving around to the back, her head in her notes. The briefcase she carried plopped down on the seat beside her. The guard followed in after, pulling the door closed behind them, sitting down on the seat across from her. There was a sharp rapping on the glass window that separated the cab from the rest of the car. The driver started the engine.

She let out a sigh, flipping through the dossier in her lap. "I suppose you're the new Preventer team."

"Hn. Something like that."

She froze.

Her mouth went very, very dry.

Maybe she'd finally gone crazy. That unhealthy obsession her brother and Noin were constantly worried about; it had finally snapped. She was hearing his voice everywhere now.

Relena's head snapped up.

"I- uh-"

Heero Yuy blinked at her, one arm resting on his knee, the other on the car door armrest. His tanktop and jeans were gone, replaced by a standard issue Preventers uniform. The green jacket, open, hung loosely revealing a black shirt underneath.

She finally found her voice, "I thought you said you found a job."

"I did."

"As a bodyguard."

He gave her a _look_. She blushed.

Relena was suddenly very aware of the document folder, the one he gave her, sitting underneath her printed speech. All she had learned about him, and here he was, cool calm and collected. Sitting in her car. _Sitting in her car!_

She dared to ask the next question, she couldn't help it. "Heero, why are you really here?"

He folded his arms, glancing out the window. "I told you. I'll protect you."

"You'll protect me?" She repeated. "For how long?"

"Always."

She blushed, looking down from his intense gaze.

"I," her voice sounded so small, "I don't want to be kept in the dark anymore, Heero. I want to know." She glanced back up, "Everything."

He nodded. "Unless it conflicts directly with the first objective."

She pursed her lips. Relena didn't like the sound of 'mission' and 'objective' coming from Heero. But, she'd take what she could get and be grateful about it.

She smiled, "So..."

"Hn?"

"Are you going to be my _personal_ bodyguard?"

He raised an eyebrow at her tone. "There's a rotating schedule."

"Ah," she crossed her legs, "of course. Well," she said finally, smoothing out her slacks, "I wouldn't want to burst your bubble, but my political life is very boring, Heero."

His arms were still crossed, chin tilted down. He looked up at her through his long eyelashes. "Boring is preferable."

"Preferable?" She said incredulously.

"'Boring' means there aren't people trying to kill you."

If this was going to be their every-day banter, it was going to be a piece of cake. She was actually enjoying this.

"Well, I can get use to my life becoming _extra_ boring with you around. I doubt evil-doers could get within a ten mile radius of me with you on my team."

He nodded stoically. Well, he was definitely in 'on-duty' mode. Relena looked out the window, the countryside passing by. Her heart was pounding. She took a deep breath.

"This is going to be a great day, Heero."

"Hn."

She beamed, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Relena."

"Hmm," she said happily, fingers curling reflexively around the papers in her lap. "Well, we do have a long drive. Would you like to hear my speech?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review/kudos/let me know how you like it!

**Author's Note:**

> More to come! Thanks for reading.


End file.
